Kindof a serious post. I struggle with BPD & so much Paranoia/Fear of Abandonment that I find myself hard to love bc I am unintentionally super jealous, esp because of being hurt by others for years & when I have good things I self-sabotage. It really hurts me bc when I think im trying to protect myself, im hurting others bc I am deep down. I can't find it within myself or anything to feel good because others make me feel less than. It's a constant mind struggle.