It hurts my heart that you’re in a lonely spot. I was raised in an evangelical cult and I left the faith when I was about 19 or 20. My life is definitely different now, but I think overall I’m a nicer person. I look for logical explanations instead of just trusting God to make sense of life. What people don’t realize is when you leave the church you’re really leaving the community that you’ve had for however many years of your life. It’s hard to build a new network.