Weight. Lots and lots of weight. Now I don’t know what it’s like to drown, but you know that feeling when you’re in the water & you feel the sand beneath your feet disappear and for one scary second you cant feel the ground beneath you OR reach the top of the water for air? Thats what I feel like. Stuck in that scary second of “can’t reach the top or the bottom”. I don’t deal well with uncertainty but lord knows I’m doing my best.