I flashed past a guy on the Capital Crescent Trail, our relative speed 45mph in opposite directions, and said “Wait, does that dude have a BIRD on his shoulder?” I whirled around and dropped the hammer to catch him. Sure enough, a cockatiel was chilling out on his shoulders. Looked like he was wearing a harness of some sort. But as I got closer, I noticed it wasn’t a harness, it was a motherfucking cape. That’s right. “I”m Bat Bird.”