yes. answering the second question: "oh look a squirrel!" and the voices in my head

I specifically am preventing myself from dating, because "why would anyone want to be with a 40+ year old who doesn't have his shit together"?

I feel like a 45yo toddler. Life is only lived in survival mode and I’m consistently on the precipice of disaster, whether it be financial, organizational, or otherwise. I don’t have long-term career goals beyond simply staying employed. It’s hard watching friends progress and grow, attaining romantic, professional, and material success, and I’m still aimless and chaotic, same as when I was 25. No part of adulting comes naturally to me, and there’s so, so much shame in this.