Listen up, long time member of the club, hi. Try not to let that self hate fester. It’s litterally going to drag you into some wild places if you focus on it. Try not to listen to the self hate stuff your mind tells you. After a while it starts to become self loathing that no one can cure. Only the person you started hating the most. You have to tell yourself you love yourself even if you don’t. Lie. Just don’t listen to that voice. Or do. I can’t tell you what to do only give a little advice.