I'm trying to wrap my head around all of this, as these issues have been ongoing for the past 6 months. We've arranged at-home care for now, and I want to respect their wishes, if possible. Watching your parents get old and frail is so much harder than I'd ever realized. 2/2

Price in front of common sense. ..why are you so surorised

It is really hard. The need to reverse roles to becoming the caretaker is hard enogh without resistance. It sounds like you may need to get POA for their medical needs. Do they have living wills and/or POLST declarations (signed by their PCP)? My father refused to go into AL with his MCI that eventually progressed to dementia, and we wound up effectively creating AL outside of institutional AL using private caretakers. He got to live how he wanted, but the burden of managing his care was huge.

I’m sure it was 100 % worse for them.

They are not wrong. Assisted living is not a great place. From my experience you have to be on top of things all the time. They are generally not the greatest places. You will still end up with most of the responsibility. They are probably trying to stay in their home because it is where their happy memories are. It was one of the most diffacult things I have ever done to take care of my mother the last few years of her life. Though looking back I am glad I got to spend that time with her.

Wow, I had no idea so many of you would leave such (mostly) wonderful and helpful comments! Thank you! I won't be able to reply to each one, but I'll add some clarifying details. My parents have living wills in place, but they only name each other as POA. We're working on getting my brother listed as the new POA for both medical and financial. My mom has been ill for years, and my dad has spent the last 8 years being her full time caregiver, and 4 years ago, my other brother moved in.

I work at a senior living with 200+ people in IL, AL and MC. Almost everyday someone says how blessed they are for living here. The support they get from other residents, new friends, good food, safety has them all happy they are here…even those who had their children choose it. Today we are having a resident talent show!!!

We managed to find a live in carer from a company. The ladies were all great but it was not a cheap option. They were able to look after both parents in their own home right up until the end. Also we got a lot of equipment via social services - hospital bed, hoist, loo seats, grab handles wherever needed. You still have the responsibility so I popped in every day and was available on the phone for the carers but at least cooking etc was taken care of.

My mom with Alzheimer's demanded to stay in her home. In the beginning stages, she had fabulous mobility, but was an eloper, would get on public transportation and get lost; she had angels looking after her for sure. That's when I moved in with her. When her disease progressed where she didn't recognize our house as home, I moved her to a lovely memory care where she immediately found a clique and was well cared for. 🧵/1