Are you POA for either of them? When my mother-in-law starting showing signs of memory loss and confusion, I took her to her doctor (she’d been scammed over the phone, checked out by the county sheriff office for a wellness visit, so I convinced her we needed to go ‘to make sure you don’t have a UTI, that can cause confusion’). Within a few minutes convo, doc looked at me, said she has beginning dementia, I will write a letter giving you the right to invoke POA at once to keep her safe. 1/2

It is very challenging towards the end. Often we can see the daily decline of our parent’s even when in many cases they do not see it themselves. It is a sad time in life. I went through the experience of both of my parents dying horribly from cancer. I wish you peace.

Got the same situation with my 100(soon to be 101) y/o mother with dementia. Other than the dementia she’s fairly healthy. Lives alone. We check daily but it’s just my daughter and I. It’s hard.

I am 24/7 caregiver of my 98 yr old MIL. It is hard, finding the balance of respecting their wishes and keeping g them safe. We have Palliative Care now and they have been such a gift to me. They don’t come in, but are such a source of knowledge, compassion and support.

It is. It may be the most difficult thing you’ll ever go through, with no happy ending. Be strong, be in peace.

Fwiw. My experience with folks in similar situations ( I’ve had a lot) — one of them will become hospitalized for something at some point and that’s an opportunity. Stay involved, inform the care team what the home situation is REALLY like. If they understand that the situation is untenable then ideally social work will get involved. In the meantime check with the office on aging in your parents’ county, might be some additional services. Hope that’s not overstepping. Good luck hun.

You (children) need legal advice on how to proceed taking over their affairs. Do NOT leave it until they are mentally incapacitated and you have no legal recourse to even pay their basic bills.

Their wishes should be respected. At home care is the kindest way - as they wish. You can stay in touch with the home aides and be really nice to them. It can be a very hard job!

I think it’s just fine to respect their wishes and let them make their own choices as much as possible. But it isn’t easy. Make sure you’re caring for yourself first, as their lives can get overwhelming and they don’t recognize how much of your time and energy they use up.

Trust your instincts. Some of us are going through a similar journey. My heart is with you xo