If you believe in the power of prayer as much as I think you do then I know you won’t stop trying. There may be a huge brick wall but keep chipping away. God knows your mind and your heart, keep praying when you feel lead and whenever you feel like you may not know what to say let the Holy Sporit take over, (stop “trying” so pray from yourself and literally ask him to do it for you and speak the words he places in your mouth). This is a battle - keep that sword on you. 🫡