I'm adjusting to the fact that there are no stakes to anything I do anymore. It no longer matters that I make sure to have some milestone life experience "while I'm still young" because I'm not young anymore. I'm over the hill now. I could spend 30 more years unemployed with no social life and it wouldn't matter because I'm past the age when it would matter. I have no youth left to waste. It's freeing, in a way, but also profoundly depressing if I think about it for more than five seconds.