Exactly, I wish narcissistic abusers were obvious but they’re not. They are often intelligent, successful beings that pick a target to abuse. They may have a few signs to the the outer world of, “extreme behaviors” but that is often reasoned away. Or they know when to turn on the charm to get the positive attention they want from others. To just use that as fuel to make you doubt what you’re feelings. Those who have not lived it have no idea of the painful long term trauma it creates.