I would like to share this moment. I am tired of being ashamed of my past. I grew up in alcoholic household and during holiday season my father would drink even more, which led to my mom being upset as usual. You could cut the tension with a knife. This game my parents played always ended with my mom escalating the tension and my father beating her. So now I don't really feel festive around holidays. While I understand that i'm adult now, my body still remembers it. During therapy, while I was ⬇️