1. He was not accepting full accountability for the abuse. He couldn’t help but tell me how MY actions CAUSED him to abuse. 2. We were together 17 years. I expressed true emotional pain over some of the things he said and did, many times. He never desired change until I said I wanted a divorce. 3. I realized the abuse was intentional. The pain he caused wasn’t an accident, it wasn’t a misunderstanding, it was on purpose. Looking back at some of the worst events, it was clear.