There was a time where such contemplations didn’t exist in my mind. This is why I find it so peculiar and difficult to navigate. I have only memories of relationships in a time where these thoughts were not present. I have only a recollection of instability and loss where they were. Yet there were subtle moments which strengthened my resolve and facilitate my continued efforts, clearly. My ruminating mind and doubts of the source of various observations nonetheless diminish hope or certainty.