Being a disciple of Christ is a call to not be attached to anything or anyone besides Christ. The reason why you were suffering so much until now is because you were already marked by God. God has longed chosen you and favored you as a person that would represent Him and the reason why you go through life feeling like you're always on a thin line and suffering so many pitfalls is because you have an opposition that's been trying to destroy your calling and identity before you even got started.