He died this morning. This is the second goddamned time. First my husband who was my everything, and now the person who helped me get through that and feel joy again. Since my husband died he’s been my best friend who treated me like family from the start. He was such a big presence in the world and filled every room with laughter and smiles. I’m in the bleak miasma of aloneness. I promised I’d be there for his wife and I will be. This is just so fucking hard. Grief