My wine degree and underlying wine law major are finally coming in handy today. Haven’t used that knowledge in, oh, 12 years, but there is a certain satisfaction in telling uninformed Americans about the subtleties of AOC and IGP classifications. American wine importers are essentially fucked (and I’m not saying that with unbridled delight as some Americans seem to do when speaking of—to them—foreign industries savaged by Trump tariffs.) And there’s no such thing as American Champagne.