I don't have any. I'm a loser.

Me and a bunch of my friends decided to go get drunk at the lake. That wasn't very smart got burnt like a lobster. Go back to my buddies house and start missing around with this girl. During sex she decided to use my back as a scratch post. My back was already sun burnt. Took 3 weeks to heal but we did finish lol

I have many but will plea the 5th 🫡

Had a lady come up to me in a bar, she says I hear you just got home from prison. I say unfortunately yes, she says you mind taking home and treating me like your old cell mate.....

Back when you could meet people through Craigslist, I met with a girl who loved getting anal. We arrange to meet, she tells me which room and doorbell is hers, she buzzes me in, and her door is ajar. She's naked except for sexy stockings, face down on the bed, lights out, not a word spoken. I shrug and get to it. And it was fantastic! So much so that I didn't last long. I never saw her face or heard her voice.