It’s little stuff. An apron to wear while they cook with me. Some new pencils and scissors. A pack of balloons because they are obsessed. Is that a jerk move? Should I have bought little stuff for my stepkids too?

As you said they’ll have gifts from their mom so in my pov you’re not a jerk. You should speak about that with hubby just to let him know your view 😉

the kids will see that you’re not treating them fairly and start to resent you. And your kids will feel superior over your step kids which will translate to bigger stuff & bullying them. On the flip side, all of the kids are equally your husband’s kids. So, they’ll feel like he agreed to it, and it’ll crush them. Please don’t do it for the sake of the kids, children aren’t rational.

I mean, I think you know it’s kinda ick that you bought “extra” for your bio kids. You said “it’s just little stuff,” and it is just inexpensive little stuff, which means you could easily do the same for your stepchildren but chose not to do so. It’s not too late to fix this.

At my house my kids are equal. I have 3 from my first marriage. They have a second Christmas with their dad. My step daughter is Jewish so she gets one Christmas. My daughter with my husband has one Christmas. They all get the same at my house. What happens at the other house doesn’t factor in at all. All the kids see is how everyone is treated in a given house. Your step kids will see that your kids get more. That’s what they’ll internalize.